I live in the sinful city of Las Vegas, known for the saying, “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” and quickie marriages. I also grew up/am part of a culture and religion that tends to marry quick. I had floormates who went on two dates and married 2 weeks later – and not at a drive-thru wedding chapel in Vegas. If I had to average out a time estimate from my friend’s dating length, I’d say it’s about 6 months. All of that being said, we also tend to produce big families and have an extremely low divorce rate of about 6%.
I’ve also seen people date for a quite a while and still run into surprises right out of left field. Some also find their companion on the internet, meet a few times, and call it good.
So, how fast is too fast? Is there such a thing, or when you know, you know?
I have a whole list of things I would like to know/experience before I wed my eternal companion, but I’ll only mention one here: I want to go on a road trip and have everything go wrong – flat tire, run out of gas, AC or heater break, car break down, etc. Would all of that REALLY suck? Absolutely! But I would want it to happen to see how he reacted. Will he take it out on me? Will he throw a fit like a four-year old? Will he be all down and depressed about it and grumble and complain? Will he start swearing profusely out of nowhere? Or will he shrug and smile and say something like, “Gotta make the best of it. No point in crying over spilled milk.”? Will we drive each other nuts looking for solutions or balance each other out and work well together? I’d like to see him in as many situations as possible because I believe getting someone out of their comfort zone or into unusual situations shows character. Problem solving and getting through things together aren’t just for friends and co-workers you know.
A song by Blake Shelton called “Who Are You When I’m Not Looking?” got me thinking about all of this, so much that I went and changed up the song lyrics from a girl’s perspective! I’ve bolded the changes so credit stays due where it’s due 🙂
My, oh, my, you’re so good looking
Keep yourself together like a David Beckham
But I’ve not tasted all your cooking
Who are you when I’m not looking
Do you pour a little something on the rocks
Slide down the hallway in your socks
Waste your money on chills and thrills
Then use your credit cards to pay the bills?
(Chorus)
My, oh, my, you’re so good looking
Keep yourself together David Beckham
But I’ve not tasted all your cooking
Who are you when I’m not looking
I want to know, I want to know, I want to know
Do you break things when you get mad
Be mean to someone cause you’re feeling bad
Do you lie about yourself with an old tall tale
And call up mama when all else fails
(Bridge)
Who are you when I’m not around
When the door is locked and the shades are down
Do you listen to your music quietly And when it feels just right are you thinking of me?
I want to know, I want to know, I want to know
My, oh, my, you’re so good-looking But who are you when I’m not looking
When Mormons get married, we believe it’s for all eternity. Yup, no “til death to you part” business, but instead the whole soul carrying on and resurrection shooting for perfection type amazing deal. A lot of people I know think I’m super picky, or must be because I’m nearly 30 and not married, but really, I’m glad I didn’t settle for the guys I could have married to have something taken off of my checklist. And when I do find the right guy, I want to say he’s my best friend, and I don’t want any psycho surprises. Or at least the chance to have a lot less. Does that mean I refuse to marry fast or have a requirement that I date a guy for forever before I let him put a ring on it? No, but I definitely want to do dating activities that let me get to know them, and them me.
Do you know any couples who’ve been in for a big surprise after marrying fast? What are some good ways to REALLY get to know someone without running a background check? Thoughts?
Discovery in the Details 
Well, I might be leaving a captain obvious reply but here are my two cents. There will always be surprises, both good and bad. I was surprised when I got married by how helpful my husband is around the house, helping with dinner, etc. At first I thought he was just being a cute little newly wed and that it would not last. But it did! I thought it was too good to be true, until I spent more time with his parents. I noticed that at every dinner, his dad chopped, cooked, cleaned up as he went, and was happy about it! And then after dinner his dad always did the dishes while us girls sat around chatting. Nate had learned his habits from his dad – a life long example of serving his wife and enjoying it. So to get to the point, get to know your future in laws! How his father treats his mother will be some of the greatest information you can gain for good or bad. And also how your bf treats his mother. Those expectations carry from generation to generation and I’ve noticed it in my family and now that I am aware of it I pay attention and notice it time and time again in other families.
Kirsten that is excellent advice! I know a lot of people say you marry a whole family when you seal the deal so that’s another “surprise” to count on, and I’m glad in your case it was a pleasant one! =D
I remember something about a general authority saying something along the lines of when you’re dating, you should question everything your partner does, and when you’re married, you should turn your head to the “little things” that annoy you. TOTALLY paraphrasing; I remember the idea, not the phrase. And I’ve seen both ways – people together forever and then married and divorced, together a short time and divorced, etc. Fact is, people can change, so when they change for the worse, or when they aren’t willing to fight for it anymore, it crumbles. It’s like, when you’re not fighting WITH your partner, you should be fighting FOR them. Just made that up! 🙂
I’ve heard to go camping and go on a road trip before you get married. Simply being in a car for a long amount of time can bring out the cranky, plus you go to a new place you probably haven’t been together before, so it’s out of your comfort zone.
Ros I’m going to have to steal your quote, that’s too good of wisdom to pass up! I know that losing the will to fight is something I and many people fear happening, so finding someone who is a fighter that way is esssential!