I used to think that serving a mission would be the hardest thing I ever did, especially as I turned 30 and accepted the fact that I might not marry in this life. Boy was I wrong! Motherhood is kicking my trash! This is a pic of me sitting in the car at a park while Maddie naps. Driving her around was the only way I could get her to sleep today. Lately she only wants to sleep on me at night, and that equals crappy quality of sleep for the both of us. On top of that, the poor thing still has dairy allergies and stomach problems so she can hardly eat anything. When she sleeps on me at night I go to either end of the spectrum, the left: feeling smothered by a baby who won’t sleep unless it’s on me and wants me to hold her all the time; the right: my heart wrenching as I look at her angelic face and listen to her tummy going crazy with unhappy sounds. No one told me raising a GERD baby without a support group would be this insanely difficult. But let’s get real, no one tells you anything about how hard having kids is or nobody would have em!
Most days I look like this:
No makeup, deep circles under my eyes from lack of sleep, hair pulled back so she doesn’t rip it out of my head, exhausted, wanting to get my daily workout but feeling like I can’t because I need to put her first and I’m wiped, and losing my mind – but happy altogether. Some days I miss teaching so much it takes my breath away, others I remember the crazy parents and rude students and love just teaching and playing with my baby. But overall I’m happy because of the gospel, my best friend and good husband, my family, my temporal blessings. So yes, I’m smothered by motherhood, but I know how lucky and blessed I am, and I keep on keeping on! Because I know, as my husband I always tell each other, it won’t always be this way. When she gets older I’ll get to go run marathons again, spend a couple hours at the gym taking classes, go shopping all day with my girlfriends, take a week vacay with my prince, etc (can you tell I daydream about this stuff??)! But for now, I’m soaking up smothering (alliteration!) for when I miss it. Life’s good.