How to Avoid Dating Disasters

A couple of years ago I got a roommate who I consider to be the best roommate I’ve ever had and will probably ever have. We were roomies for two years and we had a blast talking about boys. One night when I was really frustrated with a particular young man I was dating at the time, she said to me, “Em, you need to stop finding these ball-less wonders!” From then on, we used this coined phrase to sum up either our lack of dating or frustrations within dating. A lot of people have either been offended or confused by this phrase, so I want to clarify what I mean when I say I want to date and eventually marry a guy with some balls.

As always, I have some disclaimers:

A. I am not a man-hating feminist. I am pretty boy crazy and almost all of my friends are guys (girls are too crazy for me). My hope is that this post will help guy AND GIRL alike be better daters and companions.
B.I know lots of girls who do things on this list and should change just as much as the guys.
C. I will admit without shame that I may or may not have used one of these myself. Don’t think that I think I’m a perfect angel.
D. If you’ve done any of these things on the list, does it mean that you’re not date-able material, or that girls won’t go after you? No. Heck, some of you reading this may even be married, so treat it as a list to check yourself against and see where you are awesome and where you might need to improve.  We all want to be better people, (myself included) right?

However, if you get offended by this list, I’m not sorry, because as one great Apostle of the Lord said, “You choose to be offended.” And God ain’t wrong, honey child!

Moving on. Urbandictionary.com, the worst and most vulgar dictionary to date, actually got pretty close to what it means to have no balls. (I’ve edited it for the sake of the children):
“To be a spineless, whiney, balding, pu**y with mommy complexes and other troublesome issues.”

My definition is a lot less vulgar than that, and has nothing to do with a man’s physical anatomy. A” ball-less wonder” is someone who let’s one of the following three things prevent them from starting a romantic relationship:

1. Excuses
2. Fears
3. Insecurities

This list of 20 things below gets into a specific excuse, fear, or insecurity with various examples or situations, along with some encouragement or advice. These come mostly from conversations I’ve had with multiple girls and guys of all different ages, from all over the world, but a few are from my own experiences (and no, I won’t tell you which ones! =D) They are in no particular order or rank.

If you are male and reading this, please read through the list once to see if you fit my description, then nurse your wounds with the comforting thought that girls can be just as guilty of doing these things too .

If you are female, read through it once to get your girl power on, then go back and read it to see if you are a ball-less wonder too with any given number on the list. Just because you don’t have nor want the physical anatomy of a man doesn’t mean you don’t meet the non-literal meaning of the word.

Both sexes can be guilty of any of these!

YOU MIGHT NOT HAVE BALLS IF…

20. You left ’em with yo momma to keep yanking you around with, or you never got them back from an ex that you need to move on from.

Maybe you’re a daddy’s girl instead of a momma’s boy. Do what you have to so you can cling unto the one you love instead while keeping a healthy balanced relationship with your immediate family member. As far as getting over an ex, well, this one’s tricky, but it’s important to get closure if you haven’t already. Are you holding onto something of theirs that you need to get rid of/burn? Did you have a conversation with them to resolve conflicts or get that closure? If that’s out of the question, then you may need to go see a counselor for help, and there’s no shame in it! Would you rather worry about what others may think, or would you rather be happier with closure and finding another person you can love and who loves you? You can’t move on if you’re leaving one foot in the past.

You may also be one of those people who measures every other person you date against that one true love you had. That’s not fair to whoever your future companion will be, and you may be surprised to find out the new love of your life has better/other qualities that your past “perfect” boyfriend or girlfriend didn’t. You’re not with them anymore for a reason, and if you want to truly be better off, let go.

19. A girl makes it really obvious she likes you but you keep her in “the friend zone” because of reason 1,2, or 3 above.

18. You are worried you’ll lose her as a friend if you try and date her and mess up and then she’ll hate you.
People don’t say to marry your best friend because it’s a cute cliché phrase. It’s because it’s what works best. If she’s really a good friend, she’ll work with you.
Also, guys and girls weren’t really made to be “just friends”, unless you’re related or something – don’t think I’m encouraging incest, please. Gross. I also am not saying guys and girls SHOULDN’T or CAN’T just be friends; most of my friends are guys. But when it comes down to it, ask yourself this: Are you more worried about losing her as a friend, or losing her as love of your life and mother of your children? Just sayin’…

17. You don’t want to commit to one girl because what if someone else better/hotter/richer/whatever comes along?
If you think this, then you’re most likely gonna cheat on her in the future anyway. Save yourself, yo chillins, and your and her family the heartache NOW by getting rid of this excuse.

16. You pull the non-emergency family card to get out of a date.
*Your parents got in a car wreck and you have to cancel? Totally understandable.
*Your cousin is in town and you’re cancelling to go to dinner with them instead. DB status! Kick ’em to the curb!

15.  You get intimidated by a girl’s income, possessions, height, degree(s)/career, social status, looks, or the fact that she’s not submissive and in the kitchen all the time.

14. You won’t date a girl because she is better than you at/in _____________________________.

13. Her height makes you feel insecure or secure, whether she be almost as tall/almost as tall as you, (this is actually the one thing I’m shallow about and will not do) taller than you, or yes, way shorter than you!
When I see a guy that is 6’4″ with a girl who is 5’2″, it screams, “Yeah, check me out, I date this chick cuz it makes me feel big and powerful and protective and I feel really strong and manly when I can bench press her with one hand.” I can’t help but think, “Insecure much?” Kind of like the whole “you only buy a big lifted truck if you’re trying to compensate for something else” saying. Honestly, the guys I enjoy dating, kissing, hugging, and dancing with most are closer to my height. I don’t want a guy hugging me like my dad or grandpa would hug me when I was a little girl.

12. You drop hints or make jokes about being with her instead of manning up and telling her how you really feel because (insert excuse).

11. You get offended by something a girl said/did and instead of communicating with her about it, so you a.) put her in the friend zone, b.) turn on the “douche-bag” switch c.) stop talking to her altogether.

10. You see another guy talking to the girl you like and instead of fighting to win her heart, you complain to your bros, give up, or call her a “insert swear word about girl here”.

9. You lie.

8. You cheat.

7. “Because she’s crazy!” is the #1 reason you use to answer why you stopped liking/broke up with a girl.
A friend of mine once told me “We know that all girls are crazy. You just have to decide which kind of crazy you can handle.” Same goes for guys. “We know that all guys are douches. We just have to decide what level/type of douche we’re willing to train and put up with! 🙂
In all seriousness, you have to be willing to accept that everyone has their weaknesses; you just have to decide which weaknesses you can handle/work through/love them regardless of.

6. You say or do something hurtful to a girl and instead of communicating effectively, apologizing, or making up for it, you:
a.) See #12.
b.) See #13.
c.) Leave it alone and hope she’ll just get over it
d.) Wait for her to talk to you again and play WoW or get a “side-dish girl” in the meantime. Yeah. Good luck getting her back with those ones.

5. You string a lot of girls along because you have to have someone to boost your ego every now and then and you’re afraid of being alone, all the while hoping they never find out about each other.

4. You say to yourself: “When I: do such and such, become this person, have the money, have a better career, get buff, etc, THEN I’ll ask her out/pursue her.”

3. You’re afraid of rejection and intimacy, especially emotional intimacy.
Cool. Stay a bachelor and become one of those nasty old men who whistle at me and end up dying alone. More power to you.

2. You have to abuse a girl either mentally, physically, or emotionally to feel like you a man.

1. And the number one way you might be a ball-less wonder?
*DRUM ROLL*
You know love her/have strong feelings for her but you won’t DO a thing about it because (See #’s 1,2, and 3 above the list).

If you do any of these things, please stop so that you won’t be a disaster to date. 🙂 Also be on the look out for these things in someone you’re interested so you avoid going on a date and having a disaster! You can avoid a lot of pain and heartache if you get your fears, insecurities, or excuses worked out before you pursue a relationship. Or, try to find someone who with HELP you through those three things. Sometimes we can’t do it alone!

Do you have anything you’d like to add to this list? Have you experience any of these and want to tell us about it? Anything you’d like to say in response or defense? Then please comment! I only ask that you share your thoughts when you are not angry or chosen to be offended (if that is the case after you’ve read this). I’d love to hear from some men as to what they see girls doing that’s not so brave either!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s